goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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