I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
