i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
