we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
