I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
