If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
