Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
