dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
