In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
