On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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