dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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