Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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