Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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