I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
