K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
