so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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