Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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