guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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