Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
