My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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