at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
