pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
