I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
