I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What a dumb baby whore.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
