Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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