We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
