Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
