Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
