Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
