??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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