Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
