I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
