I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
