HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
