So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize