Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
