forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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