So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
