Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
