i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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