Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
