no, he came in my armpit
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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