i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize