He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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