You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
