You really coming over, don't trick.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
