it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
