dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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