My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
