Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, he came in my armpit
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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