So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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