youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
