come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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