Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
