Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
