just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
