grandma shit on top of the toilet
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
