the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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