You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
