I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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