I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize