Your face is a jimmy john
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im holly from the hills drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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