you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
