do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
