I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
