think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
