I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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