I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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