i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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