Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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