so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
