They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
