he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize